If you surf around blog land you find hundreds, and maybe
thousands of adoption blogs.  I like
reading adoption blogs, but I will tell you a secret.  Adoptive moms scare the bejabbers out of
me.

It’s funny since maybe someday I will be an adoptive mom.  Yet I worry about saying the wrong thing, or
assuming the wrong thing, or being naïve, and the list grows.

I think adoption is like first-time parenting in a sense.  Let me explain.

We had Elena and I was like “Yay! All parents in the world unite lets do this thing the right way!” Then I read some stuff and
realized this:

Schedule feeding vs Demand Feeding
Gary Ezzo vs Dr Sears
Graco vs Infantino (hee hee)
How you were raised vs How you husband was raised

Then with experience you develop biases.  Some of the “fool proof” methods work for you.   You
may try all of them (like me! I did everything, sorry poor confused children of
mine) Your friends have their own biases, and you learn that it is what it is.  It’s not GODS TRUTH for the whole world.

Sometimes there is a little cat fight.
Usually you find someone that thinks similar to yourself.

So about two years ago we decided for sure we are going to do this thing.  We weren’t sure of the timing.  Then I started reading.  AND Oh my word.  Are there opinions? There are! There are
opinions for why you adopt. Opinions for how you adopt.  Good valid opinions.

Let me tell you for us one of the hardest things was just sorting through all
the options, and discussing what was right for us, with both of us being on
board with it.  Gene would have his
opinion, and I would have mine, and we would try to mold them together.  The thing is we had no experience AT ALL, to
get our opinions from, but stories and misconceptions and probably a myth or
two.

For some reason it makes me want to curl up in a corner and cry.  And there are stories.  Heartwarming stories and horrible stories.

You can make blanket statements about adoption, and I think it has been true
for somebody.

Adoption has wrecked homes.
Adoption has healed homes.
Adoption is bad.
Adoption is good.

So in each adoption, there is a child, there is a family
that is losing a child, and there is a family that is gaining a child.  To me, that is very a sad scenario.

So, for me our Adoption journey is more of a
faith journey than anything.  Can I trust
God with this?  Is He big enough?  Can we do it? What am I saying?  I know we can’t.  Will this bite us in the butt? Did the desire
to do this really come from him? Are we just bleeding hearts with a savior
mentality?  Will this child fit into our
family? What if it NEVER happens, and its God’s way of closing the doors, but I
just keep on trying to make this dream happen?

There are a ton of voices thundering in my head.

And so in the mornings, I spend some time asking God to quiet the voices.  I ask him to make me not so concerned with
the specifics and more concerned that I live justly and love mercy and walk
humbly.

And I feel that is about all I can do.

10 thoughts on “More on Adoption

  1. We want to adopt too… and I just got this post because, yes, I FEEL these emotions! I don’t know what’s going to happen in our future… but God does! 

  2. jennieanne84 says:

         i like how you ended this post — wrapped it up with, live justly and love mercy and walkhumbly.  that is all we can do!prayers 4 you! you can do it, i know this.

  3. musicmom60 says:

    Well…speaking as an adopted child myself, I KNOW I ended up in the right family!  My adoptive family is awesome, and I can’t imagine having been with anyone else.  Most adoptees I know feel the same way!  You will be great.

  4. m2coblentz says:

    i like your style 🙂 and i am proud and excited for your family as you take this journey! you guys will do great.

  5. micah 6:8 is one of my fav verses. i’m sure that all my children hear when i say it is blahblahblah. 🙂 kidding. i hope not. i’m more interested in so help me God i want to live it.i would love to hear more about your story. and my own opinion would be that it wasn’t your idea. and He will be faithful to complete His idea. but i hear ya! and am cheering for ya!

  6. lifeisadance says:

    I think your heart for adoption is GOD’S heart for adoption. And I’m excited to see where God will lead you… but yes, Micah 6:8 – LOVE that. He WILL be faithful!And wow, I never would have realized there are so many various opinions about adoption… That sounds intimidating – good parallel with the first-time-mom scenario. I totally get that!

  7. I just assume that there’s 47 million opinions about every single thing from now on. :DI think adoption is awesome. Hard, because there’s so many ways to go about it and like you said, everyone whose done it has got a way that worked or didn’t work for them. Whatever way you end up going, it’s the right way for you.

  8. grace_to_be says:

    shayne and i were just talking about this on sunday w. some ppl that were over.. it had been along while, since before reese was born that we had actually discussed it publicly w. anyone. the couple began telling us horror stories and each time i hear them my heart shrinks back in fear- but later when i was going over my thoughts w. shayne he reminded me ANYTHING of value or worth having in life comes w. risk. we can’t let our fears govern us. so all that to say 🙂 i understand asking God to simply quiet the voices. on every issue i know there’ll be a gazillion opinions- wading through and following what God wants is the key.now. to be able to discern what that is exactly is a whole other ballgame…like, how do u know that u KNOW it’s God’s voice. and don’t ask me…i’m sitting in canada where i thought His voice led, but the hardships that have followed often make me doubt. oh, for grace to trust Him more. learning all that w. ya sista. 😉

  9. rugbana says:

    Hi there —   I’ve seen you here and there around the xanga block as we seem to have many of the same xanga “neighbors”   Thought I’d say Hello.  I have to warn you though — I’m one of those crazy adoptive moms.  I am laughing out loud right now because when I first started on this journey, and reading the blogs, they scared me too   So many opinions out there — but the only one that matters is the whisper God puts in your heart, whatever it be.  Follow that.  I read a few of your posts and seems we have a few things in common — I love concerts and I grew up with Amish neighbors. 

I would love your thoughts!

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