1. It’s one o’clock Monday afternoon and the phone rings. It’s a good friend wondering if you would like to join her and her kids at the pool. You say:
a. “My kids are having quiet time on their rugs right now, and since it will disrupt their schedule, I would better say no.”
b. “Absolutely! I’ll have to wake the kids up, but it’ll so be worth it getting some good friend time.”
c. “I will come and bring, the two oldest but I think I’ll get a sitter for baby Terry, I don’t want him to burn.”
2. You take your toddler Francis to “Frost the Gingerbread Cookie Day” at your local library:
a. You gently give Francis instructions, helping her choose colors, and apply the little candy pieces for the face. Let her pick out several books while you help the librarian clean up the mess the toddlers made.
b. You drop Francis off in the cookie room, and then make a quick trip to the bank to make a deposit. When you come back head for the “New Release” section. It’s not every day that you get free baby-sitting.
c. You sit in the room casually watching Francis and eyeing the librarian suspiciously. Do they do background checks on these ladies?
3. You and your husband are invited to travel to Guatemala on a mission’s trip. You can easily get sitters for the Sarah, and Brittany (6&4), but the problem is you are still breast feeding Noah, (4 month).
a. You will definitely wean Noah and go without him. Kids are sooo adaptable, and Grandma is willing, so why in the world would take him along, and have to endure the flight with a whining baby on your lap? Children need to interact with people other than their parents.
b. You take Noah along. There is no safer place for a baby than at his mother’s breast. Besides who knows what psychological harm could come from the child being separated from his primary caregiver? Possibly a lot of harm.
c. You’re just not comfortable being separated from Sarah, Brittany & Noah for a week. You send your husband to Guatemala alone.
4. When you get a babysitter so you can do a little shopping, this is how you feel:
a. Guilt ridden and hurried
b. Relieved and calmed
c. Happy and exhilarated
5. This sounds like you when you talk to your friends.
a. “Seriously, I could have hurled Gertrude out the window today.”
b. “My darling Gertrude sure is teaching me patience!”
c. “Gertrude was irritating me, so I just lay down in bed and buried my head under the covers.”
6. This is you at Wal Mart:
a. Your baby is encased in a germ- proof cart cover as you search for a new wipes warmer.
b. You watch your toddler tumbles from the back of the cart, cracking her head on the floor, as you’re grabbing hotdogs for supper.
c. Wal Mart? I shop at Target.
I was going to make up a score card revealing the kind of mother you are, but it was all bogus anyway. It was just so fun for me to make up reactions to situations in ways that I would or wouldn’t react. I know mothers from all over the spectrum on this thing, and the basic thing is that they are all good mothers in differant ways.
Right now you can read a gazillion books on the right way to parent. For a person like me it can be frustrating, since I am pretty wishy-washy. I’ll read one book and agree with it; then I’ll read the book with the opposing view and agree with that as well. ARG.
The way we mother is more about our personality and less about what is absolutely the best for our children. Somehow we twist it though and make our mothering choices be more spiritual than they actually are.
I would like to think that I have a lot of God’s Grace in my parenting, but the truth is that I have a pretty laid back and lazy personality.
Here’s an example. When Elena was about a year and a half old I let her run around our friend’s house with a piece of bread and strawberry jelly. They had nice new beige furniture. And I seriously DID NOT GIVE IT A THOUGHT. Then Gene had to come and bring me back to earth again. And I realized the error of my ways.
And yes, our couch is covered in stains due to my “God’s Grace” parenting strategy. I sneakily cover them with throw pillows whenever we have company.
So Happy Mother’s Day to all you young mom’s out there. Maybe our kids will meet in therapy one day.
Andrea Esh 
Do I get to be the first one to comment on this one? YOU DID IT AGAIN. This is a GREAT post! Your opinion sounds way more divinely inspired than you are giving it credit for. I like that thought a lot. Praise God for His redemption and grace in all of our imperfect parenting.
#6 My baby is encased in a germ proof cart cover while I shop at Target. Really… for the most part. But Wal Mart’s photo developing is actually better. About couches, we bought a new one last spring and its color is pretty close to squash colored baby poo. :)Have a nice Mother’s Day!Kim
AAAH!!! i loved it! that was so good and so true!! the funniest was the “great selection” of fake names you picked for the kids. that killed me! 🙂 also, the wipes warmer made me smile cuz i went garage saling and i saw so many of those for sale marked “new”– in other words not many moms really use them. i felt relieved… happy mothers day i gotta go get ready for church.
Love it. Love it. And especially loved your highlighted opinion statement. 🙂
Hmm, it is easier to parent selfishly then to parent with the absolute best in mind for my children. What I’m teaching them now, will it help them make the (best) choices for themselves at the age of 13 (give, take, or add a lot more years on). Anywhooo, hilarious questions. Wonder where you rated me on the spectrum?! It’ll get me through this rainy day perfectly… along with a hangover, from a great weekend of being cherished by the 4 loves that stick it out with me, imperfection and all. Happy Mother’s Day to you.
teehee…jon was reading with me and even he was giggling. i’m sure you have ever thought about hurling your kiddo out a window. and i know i never have. 🙂 good thoughts on parenting. i find myself doing what comes easiest for me which is being a perfectionist freak with my kids (although not with a cart-cover-all) and it’s good for me to see the other side of the jelly sandwich which is a bit more laid back.
This is my favorite post of the year! Honestly, I laughed the whole way through (which is saying a LOT for me right now when mostly I seem to cry); but the last sentence just made my mouth drop open and SHRIEK with laughter. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. I am in a circle letter w/ about six of my cousins who all became moms roughly the same time. They don’t have internet access but would love this as much as I do. Do you mind if I print it and send it along the next time it comes around? PS Have you ever heard of Erma Bombeck? I love her writing and this post reminded me a little bit of her.
I LOVED this post! This sentence is one that I could’ve so easily written myself “I would like to think that I have a lot of God’s Grace in my parenting, but the truth is that I have a pretty laid back and lazy personality.” It seems like I toss around so many of the very answers you have listed. And I agree about books not agreeing with each other.
Andrea, this is just tops!!! So hilarious, but also a good reminder that just becase someone else’s parenting style is polar opposites from mine, it doesn’t mean one is right and the other wrong. The kids meeting in therapy line–too funny.
that was way to interesting to read… yeah that was your uncles house. small world hu? i’m so glad for the connection with jason’s mom cleaning for them so we get a nice place to stay… we love it every year. i saw your parents house to in the same neighborhood. (nice too)
we use it to fry anything and everything, spread it on crackers with some peanut butter as a little snack, put it in shakes or smoothies…substitute it in a recipe that calls for crisco or other oils (except olive oil), you can eat it plain (barf), OR rub it on your skin…honestly. that’s the one thing i don’t do but it’s supposedly a good idea. that’s only the beginning…it helps…skin problems, chrohn’s disease, colitis (which i had and is why i am big on coconut oil), irritable bowel syndrome (some people think this oil gives them this syndrome ) and helps thyroid function and so many more things and did you really want all this info? sorry, i got a little carried away. the medical doctors say this oil is bad for you. you choose. looks like i’d be glad to answer any more questions you might have and no, i am not your natural doctor but i do take donations.
Someone recommended this post to me in regards to a post that I wrote on Xanga, and I LOVED It. I just wondered if you would find it in your creative brain to do another one sometime and do a scoring card thing with it. That was be SO fun. I think we both know Shannon King. I am a friend of her’s from way back and I think you guys go camping with them sometimes?