Author: Andrea Esh

I'm a mom of four. I am a farmer's wife, and after ten years I am still adjusting to that. I like writing, acting silly with my kids, and having long conversations with my husband. I'm on a quest for a peaceful, simple life. I follow Jesus.

More on Adoption

.Reading time 4 minutes.

If you surf around blog land you find hundreds, and maybe
thousands of adoption blogs.  I like
reading adoption blogs, but I will tell you a secret.  Adoptive moms scare the bejabbers out of
me.

It’s funny since maybe someday I will be an adoptive mom.  Yet I worry about saying the wrong thing, or
assuming the wrong thing, or being naïve, and the list grows.

I think adoption is like first-time parenting in a sense.  Let me explain.

We had Elena and I was like “Yay! All parents in the world unite lets do this thing the right way!” Then I read some stuff and
realized this:

Schedule feeding vs Demand Feeding
Gary Ezzo vs Dr Sears
Graco vs Infantino (hee hee)
How you were raised vs How you husband was raised

Then with experience you develop biases.  Some of the “fool proof” methods work for you.   You
may try all of them (like me! I did everything, sorry poor confused children of
mine) Your friends have their own biases, and you learn that it is what it is.  It’s not GODS TRUTH for the whole world.

Sometimes there is a little cat fight.
Usually you find someone that thinks similar to yourself.

So about two years ago we decided for sure we are going to do this thing.  We weren’t sure of the timing.  Then I started reading.  AND Oh my word.  Are there opinions? There are! There are
opinions for why you adopt. Opinions for how you adopt.  Good valid opinions.

Let me tell you for us one of the hardest things was just sorting through all
the options, and discussing what was right for us, with both of us being on
board with it.  Gene would have his
opinion, and I would have mine, and we would try to mold them together.  The thing is we had no experience AT ALL, to
get our opinions from, but stories and misconceptions and probably a myth or
two.

For some reason it makes me want to curl up in a corner and cry.  And there are stories.  Heartwarming stories and horrible stories.

You can make blanket statements about adoption, and I think it has been true
for somebody.

Adoption has wrecked homes.
Adoption has healed homes.
Adoption is bad.
Adoption is good.

So in each adoption, there is a child, there is a family
that is losing a child, and there is a family that is gaining a child.  To me, that is very a sad scenario.

So, for me our Adoption journey is more of a
faith journey than anything.  Can I trust
God with this?  Is He big enough?  Can we do it? What am I saying?  I know we can’t.  Will this bite us in the butt? Did the desire
to do this really come from him? Are we just bleeding hearts with a savior
mentality?  Will this child fit into our
family? What if it NEVER happens, and its God’s way of closing the doors, but I
just keep on trying to make this dream happen?

There are a ton of voices thundering in my head.

And so in the mornings, I spend some time asking God to quiet the voices.  I ask him to make me not so concerned with
the specifics and more concerned that I live justly and love mercy and walk
humbly.

And I feel that is about all I can do.

Notes from the Past Week

.Reading time 4 minutes.

At a Casting Crowns concert last Friday night, both Gene
& myself found ourselves interested/mesmerized by a girl who was doing
worship/dance/artistic expression in the stands.  I can say I have never seen anyone that stood
out so much. (Just describing) Huge arm motions, huge leaps (as opposed to
hops) and some stuff that looked like kick-boxing.  What I was the most interested in was that
she was sitting beside someone very stoic.
And I wondered if he was: annoyed/amused/enthralled/angry.  What are the boundaries in this kind of
thing?  Gene & I discussed this at
length, (of course) and we decided if we had been in stoic man’s place maybe we
would have been annoyed that the lens of our experience would always have the
kick-boxing worshipper invading our view.
I need my space.

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Question: Hunger games? Is it worth the raving and the teen
mania?

Answer: Yes it’s that good.

I never bit when something was huge.  I
hated being e a follower that way.  So
you know, I never read Harry Potter, I never read Twilight. But I will be an
unashamed fan of the Hunger Games.

Full disclosure- Of Course there is a
love triangle, but I felt so mature and matronly when I realized that it
totally was not my favorite part of the series.  But they are YA books, and you gotta get those
fifteen year olds to read somehow.

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On Monday there was a fundraiser for Gene’s
nephew.  A lot of Amish came and helped
out.  Amish can get a bad rep, with the bonnet-wearing
and buggy-driving they do.   When it comes
to things like helping out neighbors, my heart swells with pride that these are
the people I come from.  I truly hope I
can pass this kind of Amish-ness to my kids.

More about the Amish.  Gene was telling
me about our neighbor (most of our neighbors are Amish) who was showing him (Gene)
some of the apps on his Ipad.  It seems
like a lot of our neighbors are business or retail store owners and its hard to
do business by mail order these days.  The
Ipad to the rescue.  I wonder if late at
night my neighbor and his wife watch downloaded movies by the light of the gas
lantern.

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This weekend is Easter.  It’s safe to say
that this holiday means more to me than it ever has before.  Jesus risen. Death conquered. To me Easter is
all about Hope.
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At the end of this month is our tenth anniversary.  Marriage has been on the mind.  A lot.
What has worked? What needs changing? What used to work, but doesn’t anymore?
Can two last-born screw-ups change their ways?
How did these ten years go by so fast?

And I say good-bye, and have a wonderful Easter weekend.
Andrea