1.       It’s one o’clock Monday afternoon and the phone rings.  It’s a good friend wondering if you would like to join her and her kids at the pool.  You say:

a.       “My kids are having quiet time on their rugs right now, and since it will disrupt their schedule, I would better say no.”

b.      “Absolutely! I’ll have to wake the kids up, but it’ll so be worth it getting some good friend time.”

c.       “I will come and bring, the two oldest but I think I’ll get a sitter for baby Terry, I don’t want him to burn.”

 

 

2.        You take your toddler Francis to “Frost the Gingerbread Cookie Day” at your local library:

a.       You gently give Francis instructions, helping her choose colors, and apply the little candy pieces for the face.  Let her pick out several books while you help the librarian clean up the mess the toddlers made.

b.      You drop Francis off in the cookie room, and then make a quick trip to the bank to make a deposit.  When you come back head for the “New Release” section. It’s not every day that you get free baby-sitting.

c.       You sit in the room casually watching Francis and eyeing the librarian suspiciously.  Do they do background checks on these ladies?

3.        You and your husband are invited to travel to Guatemala on a mission’s trip.  You can easily get sitters for the Sarah, and Brittany (6&4), but the problem is you are still breast feeding Noah, (4 month).

a.       You will definitely wean Noah and go without him.  Kids are sooo adaptable, and Grandma is willing, so why in the world would take him along, and have to endure the flight with a whining baby on your lap?  Children need to interact with people other than their parents.

b.      You take Noah along.  There is no safer place for a baby than at his mother’s breast.  Besides who knows what psychological harm could come from the child being separated from his primary caregiver? Possibly a lot of harm.

c.       You’re just not comfortable being separated from Sarah, Brittany & Noah for a week.  You send your husband to Guatemala alone.

 

4.        When you get a babysitter so you can do a little shopping, this is how you feel:

a.       Guilt ridden and hurried

b.      Relieved and calmed

c.       Happy and exhilarated

  

5.       This sounds like you when you talk to your friends.

a.        “Seriously, I could have hurled Gertrude out the window today.”

b.      “My darling Gertrude sure is teaching me patience!”

c.        “Gertrude was irritating me, so I just lay down in bed and buried my head under the covers.”

6.        This is you at Wal Mart:

a.        Your baby is encased in a germ- proof cart cover as you search for a new wipes warmer.

b.      You watch your toddler tumbles from the back of the cart, cracking her head on the floor, as you’re grabbing hotdogs for supper.

c.       Wal Mart? I shop at Target.

I was going to make up a score card revealing the kind of mother you are, but it was all bogus anyway.  It was just so fun for me to make up reactions to situations in ways that I would or wouldn’t react.  I know mothers from all over the spectrum on this thing, and the basic thing is that they are all good mothers in differant ways.

Right now you can read a gazillion books on the right way to parent.  For a person like me it can be frustrating, since I am pretty wishy-washy.  I’ll read one book and agree with it; then I’ll read the book with the opposing view and agree with that as well.  ARG.

 The way we mother is more about our personality and less about what is absolutely the best for our children.   Somehow we twist it though and make our mothering choices be more spiritual than they actually are. 

I would like to think that I have a lot of God’s Grace in my parenting, but the truth is that I have a pretty laid back and lazy personality.

Here’s an example.  When Elena was about a year and a half old I let her run around our friend’s house with a piece of bread and strawberry jelly.  They had nice new beige furniture.  And I seriously DID NOT GIVE IT A THOUGHT.  Then Gene had to come and bring me back to earth again.  And I realized the error of my ways. 

And yes, our couch is covered in stains due to my “God’s Grace” parenting strategy.  I sneakily cover them with throw pillows whenever we have company.

So Happy Mother’s Day to all you young mom’s out there.  Maybe our kids will meet in therapy one day.

A frustrating thing for me right now is:  Bible Stories. (Yes, my life is simple)  Seriously, Elena picks the weirdest stories to fall in love with.  If they weren’t Bible stories, you can bet your life I would say something like “That is such a silly and pointless story, sorry kiddo, not going to read it to you.” 

Since you can’t do that with Stories of the Good Book, I just swallow and read over and over the grim tail of Samson, how he went on a killing spree,  and his head got shaved, his eyes got gouged out, and then the happy ending  in which he pushes over the pillars and kills everyone.  Just lovely. 

On the last page there are pictures of terrified people running down the temple steps while the walls are crumbling down.  Elena always asks about these people and what they’re doing, and where they’re going.  And I say “Oh they’re just getting killed.  Samson was filled with the Holy Spirit so he could kill all the people.”  If nothing else it’s caused me to pull out the Bible and read the story of Samson over and over and try to find meaning in it.

Is it weird to anyone that the same God would fill someone with the Spirit and cause him to do something, that if done today, we would point to it as an obvious lack of the Spirit?  Anyone follow?

And as far as teaching my kids theology, I think they are seriously going to be messed up.  First off, I used that wonderful old cliché.  “Jesus is in our hearts”.  So of course Elena wants to know what he’s doing in there.  So when I used that phrase immediately I was all annoyed at myself, so I made it worse by saying “Oh, he’s probably just playing baseball in there”. (I know, can you be a worse parent? I’m thinking of erasing this since it reflects badly on me.  Oh well, I’ll keep it real.)

Tonight Elena goes:  “Jesus is playing in my heart.  But what is God doing?”
Me: “He’s in your heart too. I guess. Well actually, I don’t know.”
Elena: “What’s he doing in my heart?”
Me: “I don’t know.”
Elena: “I guess he’s working on the computer in my heart.” 

Yup, kid that works for me.  Theology?  I’m sure she’ll teach me more than I teach her.