Author: Andrea Esh

I'm a mom of four. I am a farmer's wife, and after ten years I am still adjusting to that. I like writing, acting silly with my kids, and having long conversations with my husband. I'm on a quest for a peaceful, simple life. I follow Jesus.

Best of Skymall 2011 Edition

.Reading time 5 minutes.

It’s that time of year again.  It’s time to peruse the internet, the
shopping malls, and the catalogues hoping to find a gift for your loved ones
that perfectly encapsulates how you feel about them.

Lucky for you, I’ve done your work for you again this year.

Again, these are all 100% real products, that in exchange
for currency, you receive actual merchandise.
Everything is linked, the prices range from $$$$ to $, so there is a
little in here for everybody.  Happy Shopping!

1 7-1/2 Foot Slumber Bear

A question most parents find themselves asking is:  Can there ever be enough stuffed
animals?  The answer is a resounding NO!
There CANNOT possibly be enough stuffed animals.  There is always room for one more.

Imagine the squeals of delight from your
youngsters as daddy drags a refrigerator box to the Christmas tree on Christmas
morning.  Only 50 pounds of fill!  Doubles as a bed!! Eyeballs can exceed 20
pounds of pull!  At 599.00, it’s an investment you can’t afford to miss.

Andrea’s warning:  Parents must accompany
children while opening package in case mild injuries occur.

2. Peace Toaster (for your pacifist friends)

What could possibly be more fun than eating a piece of toast with the peace
sign on it?  You know, I couldn’t think
of anything more enjoyable either.

When you are in the midst of another
argument about the wars, schooling choices, or the presidential election, pop
this beauty out, and spread some peace.

3. Clothes

First, Hog farmers are notoriously hard to buy for.  They will love this three dimenstional pig
gazing from their chest. So cute!

Here’s a something a bit classier for a lady
friend.  It’s saucy. It’s snazzy. It’s sparkly.

I know, it’s hard to commit when you can’t
picture your friends wearing it.  Well, I
solved that problem as well.  This is me
wearing “saucy silver” on a cloudy day.


You are welcome.

4. Art
You can never go wrong with art.  It screams trendy and sophisticated.
Buying the genuine pieces is pricey
= To Expensive.

so I’m glad to introduce you to Squirrel Thinker.

= Just Right

I call it art for the common folk.

Experience

These days people want experience. (think Starbucks) For those people who love to
enjoy life’s simple pleasures, this pulsating disco showerhead is sure to
please.

6. Bob Ice Cube trays
Quote from manufacture. “Even if your name’s not Bob, your ice cubes “bob” in your
drink. And if your name is Bob? Woah.”

I have nothing more to say.

7. For the Angler/Sports guy

My husband is not much of a fisherman or a sports enthusiast, but if he were these next two things would
be at the top of my list.

This Wrist Strap Fish-Finder, would be a hit.
Who has time to sit and fish when you can drop your line, and SNAP fresh
grouper on the grill?!

Then of course he will want to chill.
Nothing looks better for chilling than this mega-monster sized lawn chair.

It has 6 cup holders! It weighs 35 lb! Who
wants their feet to touch the ground?  It
takes a real man to let them dangle.

8.        P-ez (for the lady on the go)


A portable urinal for ladies. How handy and practical. This little prize should be tucked into
every modern gal’s handbag.  This could also be a real
neat stocking stuffer.  AND when a
product is also a pun?=BONUS

These 10 items will take your Christmas
shopping from DRAB to FAB.

If you are still not satisfied, you can check out my 2010 Skymall Edition.  Those items are still available.

My Unsolicited Advice

.Reading time 4 minutes.

A year or so ago I ran into a friend that I see every three
or four years.  She is my age, with kids
my age so we had a lot to talk about.  Of
course she asked me “How is motherhood going?”
I didn’t answer right away, because that week it had been stinky.  Not like depression, or spousal abuse kind of
stinky but more like piles of manure-coated laundry, and sick children stinky.   Not bad compared to some people, but no
picnic with puppies either.

So, she asked the question, and I thoughtfully considered
what to say.  I went the honest route and
said something like “Well it was pretty tough this week.  Being a mom is hard”.

Oh dear.  A well of
knowledge bubbled up out of her mouth and poured over me.  It was complete with a four step program to
be a better mom, a book I needed to
read, and lots of real-life illustrations.

When the conversation was done, I was annoyed.  I felt angry that because of my honesty, she
felt compelled to help.   I didn’t want
help; I wanted the assurance that I wasn’t alone.  I wished I would have said the normal thing,
“Oh it’s tough, but so fulfilling. I
wouldn’t change it for the world.” ( I cannot tell you how often I’ve heard
people say that.)

Gene, naturally thought I over-reacted, (I had) and thought
I need to take in consideration that she meant well (I wasn’t in the mood).

When I love my kids like I should, when I’m living a
disciplined lifestyle, when I try a new discipline technique and it actually works, then I feel like I’ve
found the key to successful living.
Sometimes those weeks happen to me, and while it’s very fun, it doesn’t really
breed brokenness. Usually it starts to bug me when other people gripe about their
lives.  I want to yell “just do what I do;
and it will all turn out A-OK.” 

Then I get a stinky
week again, and I realize that I am at the receiving end of both wonderful
weeks and stinky weeks.

In contrast to the friend above, our close friends have a live and let live mantra.  So much so that when we first had children I
was trying to figure out sleep patterns and how to get babies to sleep through
the night.   Ignorantly I asked about
crying it out vs. rocking to sleep.
Well, I was met with “Do whatever you want”, and I was frustrated
because I didn’t know what I wanted.   That’s why I’m asking ok?!  (Also I was ignorant to the fire-storm an
innocent question can raise, and my wiser friends knew better than to even
start)

My advice is this: Do not give advice to anybody, unless
they ask for it.

If they
ask, they truly want it. Give it.

The End.