Our birth mom is scheduled for a C-section on September the 4th. Unless she goes early, and this is looking more and more likely. When we get the call, (morning, noon or night) we drop our kids and our carefully planned schedule and roll to the hospital. The plan is to have us in the delivery room. That’s the plan, but as I am figuring out, the plan is far from fool proof. And as I am figuring out, some of the best things I can bring to the table are flexibility and a happy attitude if the plan goes “KERSPLAT”.
Some of the unknowns that I have are: The baby’s name. (Our Birth mom is naming the baby, after 30 days if we want, we can change it. If you know us at all, this is not the hugest deal unless she comes up with something so terrible that we cannot cope.)
What happens right after the birth? Will I hold the baby? Will she hold the baby? I have no clue.
It’s the birth mom’s birth, and she gets to have a plan, like any mother. I could ask her, and if something is pressing on my mind, I DO ask. It is apparent though, when I am with her that she is under tremendous stress, and when I do spend time with her, the last things she ought to have is a needy adoptive mom who insists on having all the t’s crossed with a fancy calligraphy pen.
The chances are good that none of us will get to hold the baby, but instead she will get whisked away to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Our Birth mom is on a Methadone Maintenance program, which has been a big learning curve for me. I didn’t know this, but it is illegal (and dangerous for the baby) to stop the program when you are pregnant. The long and short is that our baby will be born dependent on Methadone, and will have to be hospitalized until she is done withdrawing.
The best scenario is that there is a miracle, and the baby tests negative for drugs, and the hospital stay is much shorter than anticipated. AND YES! I have heard of this happening surprisingly sometimes.
The worst scenario is: (copy and pasted from a website)
- Excessive crying
- Increased muscle tone
- Rapid breathing
- Hyperactive reflexes
- Blotchy skin tone
- Gastronomical upsets
So realistically, I think I will land between those two. We are looking for averyfussybaby. I’m preparing for worst case senario, with a birth defect on top of that. (No! we don’t believe she has a birth defect, I’m trying to prepare for it just in case..you know, my carefully laid plans and all) Running 40 minutes to the hospital every day. Lots of baby-sitters for my other kids. We are heading for a very stressful time in our lives.
I know next to nothing about the hospital procedures, but next week we get a tour of the NICU, and a chance to shower them with questions. I have a list on my notepad already. (Is it sad that one of my questions is about wifi?)
Our children know their sister will be born sick. They know I will be gone a lot, and they will have to be at their Grandmas, cousins or friends. They still say: “Oh it will be like one big party!”
Yeah, uh-huh one giant ball of laughs coming our way.
People ask if I’m worried about the Birth Mom changing her mind. She has thirty days after the birth to change her mind. I’ve heard lots of stories of moms who change their mind, and truthfully I don’t blame them, it’s their right. I’m not worried, but I do hold this baby with open hands. If I am so blessed as to be able to raise this little one, then I will be so humbled and honored.
So this is what we are plowing ahead with. I’m thinking that to get through this stage of our life, we’ll have to trust the one who gave us His.
18 thoughts on “What Will Go Down”
I think this whole thing is amazing. I think you are an awesome person. If this baby gets to stay with you, she will be incredibly lucky. She will also be incredibly awesome since she’s born on September 4th, which is also my birthday. The birthday of awesome people. Once you get used to the rules of the NICU it won’t be hard to adjust. If your hands dry easily put lotion in your purse, lots of handwashing ahead of you.
Blessings & lots of patience in the days ahead….
i have been thinking about you, wondering if it’s soon. Sept. 4th is a good b-day, just a day after mine I do hope, in your craziness, that you can pop online occasionally to give an update, if for no other reason then that we can pray for you better. I know you like having your personal life splashed across the www I find this whole story intriguing, and prly will continue so. I do hope we get to hear bits and pieces.
wheeeew….lots going on! last night outside goodwill, a VERY pregnant girl was standing and smoking. i caught her eye, and smiled. because of your baby and the story of her birth mom you told. normally, i would have g.l.a.r.e.d. but that story made me realize (AGAIN) every person has their own story…and a glare from me isn’t going to change anything…probably just add one more little hurt to the heap they already carry. but a smile is probably unexpected and i hope it made her feel a teeny, tiny bit less overwhelmed. see? your baby is changing the world already.
I’m praying right now for that miraculously healthy baby! I was so emotionally touched by your post…I can believe this baby will be an answer to all your prayers: healthy, a big party, and a gift to the world!Bless you on your new adventure!!
I see you going through this process as a real example to me of what faith in action looks like! I hope everything goes well and the baby has less issues than expected! What you are doing is awesome!
when i read your posts about ALL that surrounds this moment of bringing home a baby, i just feel like i am peeping out my living room curtain for the first time. sheltered girl looking out on a big new world. so much i would love to just talk with you. i think asking about wifi is a totally good question to have on the notebook. maybe it shouldn’t be the first question….:)i thought about the birth mom a lot after your last post. and about you. how you just walk with her. throwing the”fancy pen” away(to quote you) and letting the t’s uncrossed. i love your style of loving. really.i am going to intentionally pray that some miracles happen in the way of baby’s health. and that the kids never get tired of the “party”!
@bethro78 – yes. what you said about lots of hand washing!! what is it? like, scrub for 3 minutes or something?
@lin789 – Yep, every single time you leave the room and come back. ha.
Wow, Andrea, I admire your attitude. I would probably let those things stress me out so much. Praying for lots of grace as you face the challenges the next few months will bring.
just came back to read this again. Random thot: if she is having a c-section, she won’t be holding the baby. Will you guys be allowed to be in the operating room? cuz then you might be the ones holding the baby first. Also, is there anything we can do to help? Meals or anything?
you guys are amazing. i really hope that things go better than you expect.
what will go down…will Be Held. by The One planning your family and holding you all.i read this sobered, amazed. and feeling privileged to know you. thoughts. prayers. and love.
and i don’t know how this will sound online :)but i’ll risk it anyway. she’s been planned since the beginning of time…i love your little baby so much.
i’m not sure how i missed these past few posts…but i was thinking of you the other day, of our conversation from the restaurant that night, and i knew it must be getting close to you getting her now. so excited and nervous for you!! as rachel said, i hope it goes better than you thought, but i love LOVE your being okay with it even if it doesn’t.. your courage and attitude about it all. and just the fact you guys are doing this at all – i read this last two posts going to myself, THIS is what true love looks like! loving someone just because. not of anything they’ve done. of how they act. what they look like. just because they, like everyone else, deserve to be valued too.sept. 4th is the first day of school for the kids. so trust me.. i’ll be talking to God LOTS that day 🙂 and i’ll be adding in your mommy’s heart as well. lots of love~ a.
Wow. My heart is so full reading this. I think this is such a courageous story. All the unknowns, the uncertainty, the hoping but not knowing if the hope will be fulfilled, the loving but not knowing if the love will be returned, the waiting and anticipation, allowing yourself to hope and dream when you know it might end differently. Courage of the most noble kind – to risk love for the sake of another. I am so touched by your story. And I hope that the days ahead are God-breathed and God-filled, whatever may come. But I do hope that precious baby will be yours. That will be one lucky baby.I’d just love to talk adoption with you sometime. It’s something I would love to pursue, and I feel that I haven’t any idea how to get started. Much less where to come up with all the money. 😦 Maybe someday I can learn from you!
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