Scenes of Motherhood

Annoyed
We are sitting at Cracker Barrel deciding what to order.  I decide on a dinner instead of pancakes because I want to eat some of the yummy biscuits that come with the dinner.  Elena wants mac & cheese, and a grilled cheese sandwich, but I say “No, Elena, you can’t have both, it’s too much cheese.
The food comes, and the biscuits are set down and before I can say anything, the children yes, All Three Of Them grab the three biscuits and leave me with the dry corn muffin.
And I am annoyed.  And I am even more annoyed that this annoys me.   I am reminded of that story about the mom who never got a piece of pie, and she was an awesome mom, so I need to do that too.
So I choke down my corn muffin while the children stuff their mouths with my biscuits, and crumbs fall on the table and I look at the crumbs longingly but decide it’s too desperate to eat them.  So I tough up and forget about it.  Then Elena gloats because our server made a mistake and brought her a grilled cheese sandwich and mac & cheese.  I guess it’s her lucky day.

 

 Fallible
We have some wild cats at our place, and one day Brandt leaves the door open, and a wild kitty streaks into the house.  It hides immediately and we can’t find it all day long.  The children are sure that it’s going to starve to death while in hiding, but we assure them “No no, it won’t die”.  At 3:00 AM the kitty starts mewing. 
Gene & I are out of bed chasing this thing all around the house, trying to get him out the door.  We cornered him close to the open door.   Gene moves a heavy trunk; the kitty changes direction while Gene is moving the trunk, and what do you know?  The trunk gets the kitty right in the neck and he clunks over dead.
So the next morning we’re like: “Children, can we talk about that kitty?  Yes well, um, Daddy didn’t do it on purpose, but yes the kitty is dead”.
And tears and crying and sniffles that follow when the children realize that there is a cat-killer in the house, and it is their father.

Entitlement
This summer my kids are on a snacking binge that is driving me crazy.  It seems that they are constantly hungry and asking for cereal, cheese sticks, bagels, and granola bars.  It certainly isn’t their fault if they are, in fact hungry.  So why does it bother me so much?  It bothers me significantly when they ask for a snack, so I sometimes chant this scripture to myself:  “What father if his son asks for bread would he give him a stone?” 
Because yes, I feel like giving them gravel sometimes.
 I wasn’t sure why it was such a big deal for me until I went to bed tonight, and ended up thinking about the famine crisis in Africa, and it clicked in my head.  It’s not about the food or that they are eating too much.  It’s about their attitude of entitlement and complete lack of composure if I deny them a snack.  They cry and beg like they will die. 
So it really is my own issue, about being a torn rich person who can fill up sippy cups with milk all day long, while there are children dying of starvation in the Horn of Africa.
And I want to declare “famine day” in our household where we will not eat at all but instead pray for the children in Africa, but I know that would do nothing but make my family irreparably grouchy with me.   I would cave by noon time, and we would spend the rest of the day munching Cheetos.
What I really want is for my children to snuggle up to me and say:  “Oh Mama, I appreciate how hard you work to give us good food. Thank you for drizzling honey on my Cheerios perfectly every morning.  I will always smack my lips with delight at your delicious suppertime meals.  And now I am going to donate all that money I saved to buy that pony to World Vision.” 
Is that too much to ask for?

16 thoughts on “Scenes of Motherhood”

  1. Oh my goodness, this is just soo funny. I laughed outloud through the “annoyed” part, because yes, I feel it with you!! And the cat killer story – up at crazy hours of the night trying to catch a wild kitty, it just struck my funny bone. And the perpetually hungry… YES, that’s us too. I feed the poor children – HOW can they be hungry mere minutes after eating a meal!? I don’t understand…And you really should post more often. I love your sense of humor. πŸ™‚

  2. I could relate to pretty much everything you wrote. Except I have never thought of having the children fast for a day. That constant snacking drives me UP.THE.WALL.  Like, seriously, did I not JUST give you a snack?Oh, and if there was a dead cat in our house, I might have to say something like “Sorry, kids. The kitty is dead. And yes, Dad did do it on purpose!”  Glad you posted once again. I always enjoy what you write!

  3. you are by far the funniest most honest mother i have ever heard of.. maybe not really but i can’t think of anyone else at the moment. great great stuff here. 

  4. Andrea, how can always you write about things that make us all sigh in real life in a way that makes me laugh and makes me think at the same time?  I wish I could be around you more since you–especially since you don’t write nearly often enough.  

  5. Lol, about the kitty. Awww…I really hate it when they have accidents, too but sometimes they just get in the fan belt or under the tire and it’s not pretty.

  6. um, about those biscuits? I think I would have been more then a little crabby if someone(s) would have stolen all my biscuits. Part of me was protesting inside that you actually let them have them. and the cat-killer in the house? i must be twisted but I think that’s funnyanyway, gotta say what everyone else says, love how you write, wish you’d post more!

  7. Crazy how our children have such a undignified sense of entitlement.  Next time your children get demanding tell they how lucky they are they don’t live at Michelle’s house b/c at her house, there are rarely snacks. πŸ™‚

  8. Came on a rec.  Loved this post.  (though I don’t prefer the biscuits at Crackerbarrel and actually don’t like it when my children scarf up the muffins…Hee HEe and I’m stuck with the biscuit).

  9. Rec’s are awesome! That kitty killer story was freeking hillarious! Not that I am kitty killer or have odd fetishes over killing kitty’s. But one time I almost killed a kitty in a very similiar way … only with the garage door. Ugh, it was awful. Now that I have completly exposed myself …Oh, and being annoyed with kids and snacking and their entittlement and attitude toward “things” … I feel with you!

  10. At Faith Builders, where we were for the past month, xanga is blocked, so Monday night we met some friends for supper. While we were waiting for them, I checked xanga on my husbands phone (which had no reception at FB) We were at Cracker Barrel, no less! And every time I read I new paragraph, I would hand the phone to my husband and say- “this is so funny. Here, read it!” You really do need to post more.

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