Esh vs Mullet

.Reading time 4 minutes.

A recurring (and recurring and recurring) conversation that we (Gene & I) have is the difference of our families.  Really they are just so different.  Can you identify with this?

For instance, food is important to my family, but it’s more of an afterthought to Gene’s family.

 During Christmas this year, Gene’s family went Christmas Caroling together.  My family would refuse to attempt anything of that sort.

The Mullets would sniff at perpetual lateness.  Eshs are guilty of it.
The Eshs would sniff at being interested in pop culture and movies.  Mullets are guilty.

Esh vs Mullet

On Eating out:

Esh Conversation:
Where did you go?
Red Lobster

Mullet Conversation:
Where did you go?
Red Lobster
What did you get?
The Cod
Was it good?
It was dry, so I wish I would have gotten the mahi-mahi, which is usually suburb.  Next time I think I’ll ask them to braise it.

 

Conversation at the 6:00 meeting time:
Esh:
Person #1 Not everybody is here yet, I’m going to go get gas, the rest of you can catch up to me.
Person #2 Since he left already, I’m needing my charger, so I’m going to run and get it.
Person #3 Can I catch a ride with you while you go get your charger, than you can drop me off at the grocery store, which is by the gas station, then I will run over to the gas station and catch up with the rest of you later.  
Person #4 Ok, CHANGE OF PLANS!!, everybody meet at the grocery store in a half an hour.
Person #5 NO, why the grocery store?  We need to meet at the Gas Station in a half an hour.
(1hr later and half the people are at the gas station and the other half are at the grocery store)

Mullet:
(There is no conversation, because everybody already left at 5:55)

On Grilling:
Esh:
Person #1 The burgers are done

Mullet:
Person#1 Do you have a stop watch? It says to flash-fry for only 30 seconds per side.
Person #2 Yes, I have a stop watch, “quick flip it!”
Person#1 Oh no, the smoker is cooling down, what we need is some air movement, Go get a hair dryer, we need to heat this baby up.
Person#3 Got the hairdryer running, it’s just what we need. Just 3.5 seconds until you need to flip the steaks.
(^^^That is not even hypothetical, it actually happened.  A bunch of men hovering over a smoker with a stopwatch, and a hairdryer)

 

On Reducing, Reusing, and Recycling
Esh:
No need to call the repair man. I think I have some fan belts from 1976 in the garage.
Mullet:
I have color-coded recycling bins in my garage with for cans, bottles, and boxes.

On Beverages:
Esh
Person #1 I’m thirsty
Person #2 Here’s water.

Mullet
Person #1 I’m thirsty
Person #2 Would you like Coke, Diet Coke, Diet Caffeine Free Coke, Sprite, Mountain Dew, Sierra Mist, Diet Rootbear, Sparkling water, Orange Juice, Apple Juice, Grape Juice, Acai-Cran juice or Water?

Boy, poking fun at our families is awfully enjoyable.  There are ways that they’re similar but those aren’t fun to talk about.    There is much more that could be written about what makes them great.   What’s really neat is that we can take the quirks, the cool traits, the weird oddities, and make our very own brand of Esh-Mullet for our own family.

Instinctive nurturing, truth or myth?

.Reading time 4 minutes.

I hear the saying “Just follow your instincts; you’re the mother so you know best”.  An implication that a mother instinctually knows what is best, deep down in her heart.  Um.. is this really true?  Or am I just a freak of nature?

When Elena was born I had zero instincts.  My mom was helping me out at first, and I peppered her with questions that first week.

“Should I wake her up to feed her?  Should I just let her sleep? Does it spoil her if I rush to her side every time she cries?  Do the cartoon characters go on the front or back? (Yup my first diaper change I got it backwards)  How do I get her to eat?”

Really, it was bad.  Looking back I am astonished I didn’t somehow damage Elena for life with my limited knowledge of baby care.

I knew two things:  That I wanted to be a “good” mom. (Whatever that is) and I wanted to do things the “right” way. (Again, whatever that is)

I remember feeling overwhelmed at this little child I loved, but felt like I didn’t know her.  I felt guilty because I didn’t really feel bonded at birth like so many people seemed to feel.  And I was obsessively reading all this mothering material hoping it would help it come naturally.

That was six years ago.  Since then I have two more babies.   AND I am pleased to announce that I finally, finally, have a maternal instinct.  Woot woot!

I was sick the week Brandt was born.  Dog-sick, throwing up, and coughing..  Since my mental state was less than optimal, I couldn’t tell if I was in labor or not, and didn’t even tell Gene until it was way too late.  We made it to the hospital, the mid-wife freaked out because I was fully dilated and ready to go.  A couple of pushes later Brandt was born, and I felt nothing.  Physically yes, but emotionally I felt nothing.  I remember thinking “I should hold him because that’s what good mothers do, but really I just want to sleep”.

The next day my mother-in-law came to visit us at the hospital, and she made the remark “Well it’s all worth the pain now, isn’t it?”  I distinctly remember thinking “No, it’s not worth the pain at all” but instead I said “I guess so”.

Then came the year of a fussy baby, and bonding with Brandt came v.e.r.y. slowly.  Now, he is such a sweet kind-hearted kid and I wish I would have better memories of him being born.

When Madelyn was born, it was the polar opposite of Brandt.  I wanted to hold her, and loving her wasn’t a choice I had to make, but it came naturally.

Instinctive nurturing did not happen for me like I thought it would.  I guess I would say I learned how to nurture.  I found my “instinct” through practice, and choosing to do what good mothers do even when it feels goofy and like I’m pretending.

Sarah Hrdy is an author who claims:  “Mothers do not automatically and unconditionally respond to giving birth in a nurturing way.”

She says later: “A woman who is committed to being a mother will learn to love any baby, whether it’s her own or not.”

I found this quote to be consistent with my own experience, and I’m wondering what all your experiences have been.