Category: Adoption

To Baby: The Start of Your Story

.Reading time 3 minutes.

We went to the restaurant, just her and I.  I ordered a veal sandwich, she ordered pancakes.  The waitress, a lady in her fifty’s with a tattoo sleeve was joking and chatting with us.  Like people do with pregnant ladies, she asked her questions.  “Wow, are you about due? How much longer do you have to go? Do you have other kids?”  Your mom answered the questions: September 8, I have five other children.  Then your mom gestured at me and said, “But she’s going to be the mom of this one” pointing to her belly.
Instantly waitress’s face fell, and was blanketed with compassion.  She looked at me to verify, and I nodded in agreement.  “Its true” I said and tried to smile gently.  In that instant her face was so easy to read. Should she offer condolences to the pregnant lady?  Should she offer congratulations to me? Both options seem insufficient.  I tried to impart goodwill: “It’s sad, and happy” I said.  “Bittersweet” she said.  And then she looked at us, and looked at us, and looked at us, while we ate our food.

Later we passed a guy at the pharmacy who did the pregnancy drill again. “Wow, you are about to pop, how much longer?  And look, even your ankles are swollen!”  A little later “Don’t you know smoking is bad for your baby?”  I scowled at him for her sake.  And muttered to her “Doesn’t he know that’s not helpful?”

So even though you are not born yet, we are getting ready for you. Perfect strangers notice that you are coming soon.  Perfect strangers worry about your health.  Perfect strangers are filled with compassion, and are speechless when they hear the truth.

Here is the truth. You are loved. By her. By me. End of story.

I don’t feel like I know you now.  You don’t recognize my voice.  My heart sounds different from the one you hear beating every day.  I can’t feel you move inside of me.
She pats her belly at night, lights a candle and tells you that your other parents are getting ready.  We are getting ready, the best that we know how.

I expect in a couple of weeks that tables will turn, and she who knew you best won’t know you best anymore.  Instead it will be a new mom with a squeaky voice, who smells funny, and feels a little out of practice with baby care.  I’m sure you will sense a void.  If babies can smell and recognize their mommy’s bodies, it only makes sense that they know when the voice and smell is gone from them.

Here is the truth. You are loved. By her. By me. This is the start of your sad and happy story.

One Month Ago

.Reading time 4 minutes.

Exactly one month ago, I was having a busy day.  I was leaving for a trip to Florida with my
friends, the next day.  My mom had come
swooping to the rescue, and was staying a few days with the kids and Gene while
I went gallivanting away from the stove, preschoolers, and husband.

So of course, with the Florida trip on my mind, I went to get highlights put in
my hair. If you know your hair isn’t going to get bleachy streaks naturally
from the sun, you want streaks to be put in with chemicals right?

It took way long, I rushed home, it was bedtime, and I had yet to pack one item
for the trip ahead.

I ran into our house, and bounced into the kitchen where my mom and family all
stood with really goofy- looking, smiley expressions on their faces.

My first thought was “My hair doesn’t look as good as I thought it did. Drat.”
My second thought was ”WHAT in the world did they do while I was gone?”

I demanded, “What is going on here?!”

Gene said “Elena do you want to tell her?”
Elena shook her head.

Then Gene told me, that our agency called, and we had been matched.  And my heart leaped into my throat, and I
started crying.

So there were hugs and tears and smiles in our kitchen that night.

What does matched mean? It means that we had submitted our profile to a certain
mom, and she chose us.

There are so many mixed emotions that go with this adoption.  While we are thrilled, it is so hard to think
that one special mommy is going to have to go through so much pain, both
physical and mental in order that we parent this baby.   When I know that on the other end of the
spectrum somebody is going through a really hard time, it is hard to get
excited.  I wish I could wave a wand and
make everything all better.  (Will we parent the way you want us to? Of
course! Will we make mistakes? Never! No void in our child’s life, of course
not!)  But it’s not that simple, and I feel huge honor to be able to
raise a child in our home, doing our best, and trusting God for the rest.

The baby is due on September 8, and I love that the due date is still off in
the distance as it gives me time to can gallons of applesauce, deep clean, and
purge my house of unwanted junk.

And now, our bedtime prayers have grown to include the baby and birth mom, who
we have already met, and fell in love with.
We pray for safety and health for the baby, and we pray a blessing for
her mommy.  We are over-whelmed and
excited about the privilege to care, protect, and raise this baby.

Pray for us!